All is not Lost – Trying to understand and Supporting the Minds of Young People Today – A reflection by Revd. Mark James

 In recent days, the BBC drama Adolescence has brought national attention to the emotional and digital landscape many teenagers now navigate. It was compelling, at times uncomfortable, to look at the struggles of young people, particularly boys, grappling with anxiety, isolation, and online influence. The response from parents and educators has been overwhelming. Questions are being asked, and rightly so. Who is shaping our children’s thinking? What content are they consuming? And how do we help them without alienating them?

This is not a new concern, but the speed, scale, and subtleties of the online world have seemingly outpaced our systems of care and understanding. And yet, it is essential to begin from a place of balance: not all young people are lost, angry, or radicalised. Many are kind, thoughtful, and quietly navigating the same confusing world with wisdom and caution. Still, a growing number are not okay, and the signs are there if we are willing to look.

Platforms like TikTok, YouTube, Discord, and Instagram have become the primary lens through which many young people view the world. According to a 2024 report by the UK Safer Internet Centre, over 80% of teenagers aged 13–18 spend more than three hours a day online, much of that time consuming algorithm-fed video content tailored to their likes and insecurities.

This makes them vulnerable, not because they are gullible, but because they are young. Their brains are still developing. They are still forming their sense of self, truth, and belonging.

Take the case of Andrew Tate, a former kickboxer turned online influencer who has amassed millions of followers, primarily teenage boys. Tate has been banned from most mainstream platforms for his misogynistic and harmful content, yet his influence persists. His videos, often reposted by fan accounts or embedded into 'motivational' reels, speak to a generation of young men who feel disempowered, overlooked, or unsure of their place in the world.

As The Guardian noted in January 2023, teachers across the UK are reporting a rise in sexist language in classrooms, much of it traced back to Tate’s ideology. And while some boys parrot his rhetoric without deeper allegiance, others internalise it in ways that distort their understanding of masculinity and relationships.

The BBC’s Adolescence confronted this head-on, showing how seemingly harmless online culture can evolve into darker, more entrenched beliefs. It challenged viewers not only to see the danger but to ask where the gaps are in parenting, in schools, in mental health support, and how they might be filled.

In today’s digital world, language itself is evolving. Emojis, once used to express humour or emotion, now carry alternative meanings in certain subcultures. The 'red pill' emoji (referencing The Matrix) has been co-opted by men’s rights and misogynistic groups to signify 'awakening' to supposed truths about feminism and gender roles. The 'dynamite' emoji represents an even more extreme version of this ideology. Kidney beans, clown faces, and even cheese pizza emojis have all been used in coded language online.

Parents and teachers need to be digitally literate not just for their own sake but to understand what their children might be exposed to. Not every emoji is sinister, but the way online communities use them to cloak meaning should concern us. Knowledge is not panic; it is preparation.

While some boys are drawn into bravado and digital posturing, others retreat into silence, anger, or withdrawal. The Mental Health of Children and Young People in England 2022 report found that over 22% of young people aged 17–24 were experiencing a probable mental health disorder, a sharp rise compared to the pre-pandemic years.

For boys in particular, emotional distress often looks like aggression. As one mental health professional recently observed, 'An angry boy is often a boy who is afraid. He just doesn’t know how to say it.'

Gaming can become a refuge, sometimes a healthy one, but also a place where toxic communities thrive. Discord servers, private Reddit threads, and gaming lobbies can become echo chambers where harmful ideas are normalised, from misogyny to conspiracy theories to incel ideology.

We Must Not Forget the Victims

In all our analysis of influence and identity, we must never lose sight of those who are most harmed, sometimes beyond repair. In Adolescence, the girl who dies is not simply a plot device; she is a reminder that unchecked hurt, anger, and isolation can lead to catastrophic loss. While she is depicted as a bully in parts of the series, her death is no less tragic. No child deserves to die. No parent should bury their child.

And then there's the boy, the central figure of the story, so lost in pain and silence that violence seemed like the only way to be heard. His life, too, is destroyed. As are the lives of his parents, who may forever live with the question: 'What didn’t we see?'

We must also speak compassionately about the families of both the victim and the perpetrator. They are left with a grief that has no simple language. These are not just statistics or cautionary tales. They are real. Their pain is real. Their silence, often, is deafening.

Our work, our calling, is not just to understand the system. It is to listen for the silences that precede the scream. To care before the headlines. To notice before the harm.

The Response: Not Panic, but Presence

It’s easy to despair. But panic doesn’t help. Presence does.

We must be present in our children’s lives, not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, and digitally. That means being curious without being judgmental, asking questions without accusations, and recognising that just because a young person seems fine, it doesn’t mean they aren’t wrestling with big questions or being shaped by forces we don’t see.

It also means celebrating what is good. Most young people are not consuming extreme content. Many are active in volunteering, sports, church, art, and education. They are passionate about fairness, justice, and the environment. We must never let the actions or fears of a few tarnish the hope we place in the whole.

So, What Can We Do?

-Talk early and talk often. Don’t wait for a crisis. Ask about what your child is watching. Learn their platforms. Watch it together if you can.

- Create safe spaces for boys to talk. Many boys have nowhere to go with their emotions. We need to model healthy masculinity and create environments where they can explore identity without shame.

- Equip schools and churches to respond. This means proper training, better safeguarding tools, and an openness to discuss hard things, whether it’s online safety, pornography, or sexism.

- Model digital humility. Adults aren’t immune to echo chambers or toxic behaviour. Let’s lead by example in how we treat others online and offline.

A Final though ahead of conversation continuing. 

Jesus met people where they were, in their confusion, their anger, their searching, and offered them hope and truth. That calling hasn’t changed. Whether you’re a parent, a teacher, a youth leader, or simply someone who cares, you have a role to play. Let’s not write off a generation. Let’s understand them, walk with them, and reflect on the grace we have received.

Because not all young people are lost. Many are simply looking for someone to help them find the way.