The Journey

I am not an alcoholic but an addict, a user, or instead, I use addictive behaviour(s).  I share this in all its vulnerabilities. Vulnerability is derived from the Latin Volnerare, “to wound.”  Fragility is  part of our nature and something we cannot escape. It is the season of Lent, a journey towards the  ultimate suffering, death, life and hope. This is a time to lament and reflect. A time to search, to look,  to see, to seek. To look into the darkness as well as the light. We are not defined by our wounds; we  are made fully human in our vulnerability and authenticity in the hope our true identity  can be found. For as long as I can remember, I have “used” Alcohol as part of my daily life. It often has, and  paradoxically felt like, a safe place to flee. I say paradoxically because anything used in unhealthy ways  is not a safe place to be despite how it feels at the time. I know the feeling I get when I  indulge in that place there. ...

I was really challenged by a comment made by a friend today. In part I think it was due to knowing them, but the comment challenged me. “We feel really privileged to have such great friends in such high places” it kind of made me angry, are we seen as friends in low places? We seldom hear from you so I assume so? I recall all her friends including us receiving Christmas hampers from her a few years ago. Amongst many were Harrod items, amongst ours were Co-op, I tried to ignore her and just be thankful for the gift but what she gave as a gift she somehow took in esteem and self-worth, something far more valuable.  Maybe my anger is what my essay is teaching me about conforming to the patterns of this world where Romans tell us “be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” In doing so I realise my anger is most likely my problem because it is reflects how “I” feel or how “I” am perceived which is outside of what Romans is calling us to do, “be transformed” not worldly thinki...

Easter - Even as a follower of Jesus it is hard not to be attracted 1st and foremost to Easter meaning time off work. A chance to relax with the family and kick back. No work for 4 days..... Normally the lead into Lent is a season that can be used to reflect on who Jesus is and what he means to us personally, Lent is sadly perhaps more recognised today by most people as a season whereby we give something up.  This year I decided to give nothing up for Lent . Instead I chose to spend more time reading my bible, talking with Jesus, look to develop a healthier mind, body and spirit by abstaining from junk food, alcohol, TV & Paper news. Relax more, think better thoughts, spend more time with the boys and Sam, and generally chillax... Did I manage it.. ummmm, In part yes and in part no, did I fail, of course not, failure would only occur if I failed to take the positives even from the negatives. If I failed to recognise my weaknesses and learn to be better ...

Since August 2011 I have been considering the question “who am I?” I have sometimes thought I have the answer; even now I ponder the question despite having “an answer” One thing is sure, I am not who I thought I was and neither is the world nor my fellow brothers & sisters I share it with. I have learnt that almost all of us lie to ourselves, most spend their whole lives living "there" from Birth until death, from doorway to doorway sincerely believing the lies that we tell ourselves, over and over again, so much so that anything else seems impossible to us, welcome to Ego (SIN) Let me tell you a story about a frog called Mark. This particular frog was born in a deep well. He lived with lots of other frogs, some happy, some grumpy, some old, some young, some wealthy and some poor, all going about doing what frogs do. Mark was not a particularly bright frog, He had lived in the well for a year or so, (frog years and human years are very different) Mark often wondere...

I have been asking friends who are not yet believers of Jesus what the word king means to them and here are just a few of the responses Burger King – The King of Burgers Michael Jackson – The King of Pop Mars Bars – King Sized of course Elvis – The King of Rock and Roll A ruler – A king of a Country We of course do not have a King in this Country do we, but a Queen and if you are under the age of 59 (as of November 2011) you will never have known a King, the last being King George. I had a look at the Royal Website this week to understand the role of The Queen and this is what it says. The Queen represents the Nation at times of Great Celebration and Great Sorrow, The Queen is the Head of State, The Queen is the Head of the Armed Forces, and The Queen is the Head of the Church of England, all of which are important symbolic unifying roles that the Queen personally reinforces through the Commonwealth, joining people together from around the world. The Queens primary role is to h...

Still in Chapter 1 of the book in which we are also asked to write an Obituary Notice about our life, write one we would like to read without thinking too much about it.. Seems kind of creepy but I would actually encourage anyone to do it. Obituary Notice – Mark James – Dead at 90 – Buried at 90 Mark James was a humble Man of God, a loving Husband to Samantha and an equally loving Father to his Children. Mark and Samantha as well as the boys went through a transformation when Mark was in his early 40’s. He went through what he described as an ‘awakening.’ Through Inspire and various influential persons Mark was discovering that much of his life had been a lie and his mind was transformed. Mark was a man on a path toward Ordained Ministry although by his own admission Mark often struggled with this through his lack of worthiness, this of course went on to be the very essence of his life.  Mark went on to discovered what it meant to be a true follower of Jesus following a one yea...

I am following a book at the moment called God of Surprises. At the end of each Chapter we are set exercises. The 1st is to study the after effects of daydreaming... For me, at this point in time I have no job. A decision I took upon myself. I was in the wrong place, doing the wrong things, deceiving myself (the true me). My current daydreams contain a mixture of fears and of hopes, hopes for a new chapter, a chapter where “I” can be, but fear (driven by flesh) of having made a bad choice in leaving.  Most must think me mad to give up a well paid job without having at least something to go too; “maybe they are right” screams the flesh. It is also scarier in that I do not have a large nest egg to rely on or indeed rich parents (screams the flesh). At this point in time I suspect I will be able to survive until approx mid Sept financially, so around a month. Now I am feeling slightly madder! My comfort though is this; I have been told that to follow God with all my heart requ...